things i've said in my sleep

'i don't even have any fucking easter eggs'
'stop fucking kicking me'
i giggled too
great.

HAAAHAHAAHAHAH

fuck my life

i didn't do any of those simple tasks

when i get home

sort out my eyebrows
draw draw draw
sort out the leaves and the banner.
eat.
hate life

shes the man

watching it
so aamzing and awful
but channing tatum in it, oh my god
heart eyes

oh my lol

dear warburtons,

thankyou for bringing me the best dough-based products ever, especially your toastie sliced bread and your potato cakes, you are my life
love you.

fuck my life

thought i'd found the perfect pens
but theyve decided to bleed in this paper
guess it's time to find some new paper/books tomorrow.

and by art

i meant shitty drawings and stuff i have to do for graphics.
i definitely do not do 'art' haha.

why do i feel like

my art isn't worthy to put on the internet
i'm sure/i know there much worse on here.

makes my tummy feel funny

how are they not dead

\HAHAH

my kitten just got a hula hoop stuck on its tongue for about 5 minutes

i need to have

a productive sunday, but i know i'll be dead after work.
let's see.

i bought some new pens today

thank god, not stealing the shitty ones from college anymore
they are nice.

i wish

i did words.

so, london !

i am once again useless, as is my memory, so lets try rememeber my trip last week.
i forgot how much i missed everyone.

tuesday.
i'm on the train to london and i'm on a 4-seater table with a family who wouldn't stop throwing cards everywhere, great.
then a Chinese guy gets a phone call for around 2 hours, so cue me glaring at him the whole time because he was SO loud and i refuse to believe what he was speaking was actually a language.
so, i get to london, it is roasting and i was sweating buckets by the time i got to the hostel, yet everyone around me was wrapped up in coats and scarves. guess we're just built better in the north. rugged. so first impressions of the hostel were AMAZING. wow, it's so nice, the building, the inside and the people.
i put my stuff down and sort mysoulf out a bit and head straight back out, go on a quick wander, end up on oxford street so i go to selfridges to see if chew was working, no dice.
so i hop back on the tube (with very tired legs) and go off to st pancreas to get on a train to st albans to go chill with George !
an hour later i'm chilling in Starbucks with george talking about some weird kid, when he walks in with Jamie, Colin and some other guys, then we couldn't shake him for the rest of the night.
for some reason there were 6 police cars, 2 police helicopters and a pack of dogs running around but we never really found out why.
then we go to nandos, cause it turns out the weird kid (josh) has a date that he was supposed to see but she was late, so we went in and sat down and me and george had a bowl of chips, while charlie and jamie had massive plates of burgers, which they messed about with A LOT. so joshs date turns up and talks to one of joshs friends the whole time instead of josh, then leaves 20 minutes later. OH and i cried with laughter when some kid was walking up the stairs infront of us, broke into a happy skip and fell straight on his face, colin just burst out laughing at him and its definitely making me laugh a lot right now.
after all that we go to the pub and chill with some nice non-alcoholic pear cider, it was pretty nice and i keep trying to remember to see if we have any at work.
so after that we go to mcdonalds drive through and park next to a bin, we throw josh out of the car to walk home, then decide to follow him, he starts running for some reason so we overtook him and parked near his house, then hid by his front door, he took forever getting back for some reason and he wasn't scared when we jumped out at him, but never mind. he invites us in and we go chill in his room for a bit. colin digs around EVERYTHING in his room, finds some real treasures haha. went looking for the SAHC 4 LIFE shirt but no luck.

wednesday.
had a shopping morning !
got up and out pretty early as i had already been down oxford street and back before uniqlo opened at 10
spent hideous amounts of money and had my first primark experience, terrifying. haha
so after that i get a call from alex and i hop on over to soho to chill for his lunch break. he's a vegan fag now so we had to go find vegan places to eat and he bought a marzipan covered in dark choclate bar, sounds yummy. i felt like getting a vegan burger or something but i couldnt bring myself to do it.
i hop on back over to st albans to chill with george colin and jamie. there was set to be a photoshoot by jamie for colins band, but that wasnt happening anymore so george took me out into the middle of nowhere to chow me some scary places. first we went down some awful tiny little roads to a lane at the bottom of luton airport runway, where the planes go ridiculously close to your head, after chilling and talking about ghosts we go to an abandoned castle to try and prepare me for harperbury, which is an abandoned hospital that they always go take photos in, i was scared. we roll up to the castle after a nice long drive down the worst road i've ever seen. it's SO muddy i get mud up to my knees, but we trek on anyway and chill at the castle a while, i get cold and scared tho so we go back and leave after seeing 2 guys with a gun haha.
we go back to st albans and go to 'the toffy tower' which is where colin, robin and toffy live, chill in colins room with jamie, colin and george, who seemed to be my main chillers for the week. we order a pizza, with some chicken dip ? then some guy called james come round, we chill till silly o clock in the morning then george takes me home again.

thursday.
i had a bit of a lye in, or a lot of a lye in, sorted myself out and decided to go to the party that the guys were going to in maidstone tongiht. i get to st albans and it turns out the parties been cancelled, oh well. we found somehting else to do, so we drove into london and ended up at some crazy underground bowling alley/live music club/kareoke booths/bar/club. colin knew a girl that worked there and she took us through this tiny door in one of the karaoke booths, behind the machinery of the bowling alley through another little corridoor and we popped out in another underground bowling alley/swanky bar. it had a hot tub room
it was sweeet, we got in and chilled on the sofas until the crazy metalheads started appearing (it was cannibal corpses aftershow party) there were some crackers in there...
one guy definitely took all his style tips from murderdolls.
there was the blonde girl air guitaring in the middle of the club, swinging her hair around and everything, she was loving it.
and our personal favourite, the simple headbanger/singalonger next to us.
so many wierd people for one room


i'll finish this later my hand hurts and it's probably painfully boring to read.

ugh

i feel horrible
basically my grandma gave me this big cat toy thing but the kitties rarely play with it and didn't seem to like it, apart from at first, i never see them play with it anyway
its in the room next to mine and on a night i hear them playing with it, for some reason one of the kitties seems pretty embarrassed when you catch it playing, i guess it thinks its above it or whatever so as soon as you walk in on it playing it stops and runs off all embarrassed
so basically for a while i've been hearing this toy next door jingling
so i try and catch it out tonight.
as i'm opening my door i realise that the kitties haven't been out at all at night for the past week cause they've been shut in their room cause their on heat and their really loud and annoying
so they couldn't have been doing it all week
there's no breeze at all and definitely nothing that would be able to jingle it
it suckssss

i think i might get rid of it soon haha

will post a picture of the offending article asap

ok so

london tomorrow
i'm pretty excited
come dine with me is on
i'm pretty excited

um so my itinerary for this week
wake up nice and early tomorrow to get my train and probably finish my packing
tuesday will probably be st albans day, in the afternoon
hopefully chill with some people on the night or jsut chill
wednesday will hopefully be ben day !
thursday may be brighton, or brighton from 4pm onwards, chill with kittens and chaos days
friday is joes day, going out to wagamamas then out to hot damn on the night
saturday i have no idea hopefully more chilling with ben and home time at 8pm

then work on sunday and hopefully up to jonathans for the night !

taken

why do i wanna watch this film ?
looks awful
and def not my thing.
i just actually watched never been kissed after trying to 3 or 4 times, i hate my taste in films.

happy birthday me

no care
i guess i should be having my first legal drink
nevermind

PLAYA PLAYAAAA

so i'm babsitting for my nextdoor neighbours and i hear what i dread everytime i come round
one of them shouting for mummy
so glad it was the girl, she's so chill, we talked for ages
but i found out she's a playaaaa, she's only 5 and she has three boyfriends !
she is so cute tho

i guess i feel bad about never updating

so here's the third post in like an hour
i wrote a list of things that bugged me at work today.
i hate it when customers get all smug about taking the time to give you perfect change, like i should be impressed you gave me £21 AND the 56p
it's not that hard, and it just makes putting it in the cash draw even more annoying.
you shouldn't feel clever i have to count out shitty amounts of change for every fucker else

and number two tonight is when i ask you if you have a reward car I AM NOT OFFERING YOU ONE
so don't say no THANKYOU
and i know you're being polite but don't say sorry either, i don't fucking care, it's not me missing out on the free money you'd be getting if you were so lazy you couldn't pick up a free card. you come in every fucking night, you may aswell.

and i'm pissed that i can't read the other scrawl i wrote on the old receipt to remember later, but i'm sure the exact same thing will happen next shift
which is on my birthday FUN.

ok, so my dream this morning

i felt so good/shitty all morning
good because this dream was amazing and shitty because i can't completely remember it and there's no way i can describe it in a way to even remotely do it justice, i guess i could try drawing what i saw, it was beautiful
lets try.
started out in a hallway with some kid, she was chilling in the doorway to a bigish room leading onto another big room (which i think was her families apartment, and i have the feeling i thought i was staying there now i think about it, i guess the room/layout of the hallway might have something to do with the hostel i'll be staying in in london), guess she kinda knew me, seeing as i'd be sleeping in a big bed with the females in her family in one of the rooms. so she was chilling, on a laptop, or with a small electronic toy, and i guess i got bored of sitting with her, especially after some guy in an apartment across the hall beckoned me over, part of me wants to think this was ben levy, cause i'm sure he appeared in this dream somewhere and what i can remember leads me to believe this was him here.
so i tell the kid i'll be right back cause the guy was telling me to check out the view from his balcony, the kid starts to kinda get worried asking me to promise her not to sleep with him (wtf, i know right) so i promised this stranger that i wouldn't get with some other stranger, because i know i was definitely not planning to, i just wanted to see out the window, the little girl was starting to creep me out.
so i go through his apartment, which from what i remember was a room with a single bed, next to a balcony door, so i go straight across to the balcony, from what i remember of the room it was daytime but everything else in the dream happens at night. i kinda remember some guy sat on the floor propping himself up against the bed, doing something geeky i.e PlayStation/xbox/laptop.
So, i'm out on the balcony now and i guess it leads onto the top of some nice big garden and i'm looking down onto the most beautiful (small) cityscape in the dark, big lights everything, it was beautiful i can't even describe, this sounds creepy but no care it was one of the nicest things ive ever seen, especially as there was the most amazing colours/stars in the sky.
So i'm chilling out looking into the lights in the town/city, and in between a few of the standard lights there's a few las vegas esque lights, big wild coloured ones pointing at MASSIVE things, looking all pretty etc.
i tried taking photos on my phone, cause i knew for a fact i didnt have my camera (which i guess is also because i've told myself i'm not taking my camera to london with me) so i'm getting very frustrated cause my phone is refusing to take photos of the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my life. and for some reason now theres a bunch of other people seemingly getting beautiful shots of it, never mind.
i have a wander across to the left of the garden and i notice round the side of the house looks exactly like my view to my neighbours house, but a really really nice version of it that doesnt have a back wall, its just flat land going forever. they have a baby, and for some reason they hang their babygro's on some amazingly shaped cactus sat there in the garden, instead of the washing line. whatever, it was another beautiful thing, i dunno what it was, nothing special, i just think it was lit beautifully, there was something special about it.
so by now i'm on my own, wondering if those knobheads across the garden have got good photos, oh and i managed to get my phone to take a picture of the cactus bit. so i start walking over to where the garden turns into the balcony and i'm starting to worry about ben, especially seeing as all the people have gone.
next thing i know the garden is a kinda ski slope, i have no idea.
i have another look at the amazing view and i look down and stumble upon my camera, im like OH SHIT YES but the lens has been taken off and it on the floor next to it, shame its my 70-300mm lens so when i'm trying to get a photo it's just not working or focusing or fitting the whole thing into the image, so i give up on that again, being very frustrated it wasn't my 10-20. (which i don't really get, cause the city seemed so far away i think the 10-20 def wouldn't have been right)
i guess i decided to try get to the city by going down the big ski slope, camera in hand, i dont think i was skiing, just generally chilling down this hill, when i end up sliding down the hill next to a skier, i guess my camera had miraculously changed lens as i managed to get some amazing shots of him as we were going down the slope. fuck knows.
then i think some more stuff happened, i got back to the apartment or something.
but cielo came and knocked on my door and i woke up, probably with dribble on my pillow
i can't remember, it was good.

a few things...

it's snowed all week, sweet
it's my birthday on sunday, sweet
i wanna get out of this country so bad right now i need to go do stufffff, i think my dream this morning helped with that

ben i loe you

ok well

that was a little too far but it is THAT bad,
shame i'll be working full time next year

ummm i have everything booked for london, so i will be down between the 17th and the 21st, chilling with ben hopefully, doing some stuff for joes birthdya, maybe brighton and seeing leo ! sounds good
staying a hostel however doesn't but we'll see !

work tomorrow.

i want to kill myself...

ok so i really am the best at procrastinating

i've decided to put something off a whole YEAR.
nevermind, so after finishing my A2s i will chill for summer and find a fulltime job, work for most of the year, get the grand i need and chill doing my art for a year, get some travelling done.
then in september 2010 I will go to leeds art college for my foundation diploma, and in september 2011 i will hopefully be at london college of communication doing book arts
hooray.
this gives me a bucnh of time to maybe do a night class, get an amazing portfolio started, get some money together aaaand write my statement.
quite looking forward to it, and its a nice big weight off my shoulders, so i can go ahead and get the most out of my A2s.
Also, if i manage to duff up one of my grades this year, then next year, i can go in REALLY part time and resubmit etc, and pull the grade up, just by going in maybe 2-3 hours a week, then my mum will sitll get benefits and i won't be taxed for working
IDEAL.
i'm pretty happy right now
its a CSI night, i watched desperate housewives already and i have a bunch of other work that i'm not doing, amazing.

americas most smartest model reruns

are reminding me how much i love andre birleanu, lovely.
i have been megaaaa sick this week, havent been at college in like 4 days, could barely move/open my eyes on tuesday/wednesday
but i got a hair cut/colour this week, thats pretty sweet

heres a few dresses i need

in black








that first one so isn't me but i still really want it haha
that middle one will have my heart forever, it better crop back up in a size 8/4
that last one would be good for college

i miss jp

wierd dream

:(



ermmi can barely remember most of it
i was in nj
at some house i didnt recognise on my own
in the basement, i look out of the window while im weeing and teheres two people trying to like handstanf at it
so im like oh ok
and they fall through the window
and i cilmb back out,
and it appears that my friends are getting home from wherever they were
so theres the nj guys, and then theres my friend george and a few of his friends from st. albans or wherever which is kinda wierd since were 30000 miles away ahhaa
then theres a coupla people dressed like surgeons and im like oh ok send more paramedics fans or some shit like that
i walk back in the house and george has me up against the wall and i was like wtf george i didnt know you were cheeky wtf are you doing ahhaahaaa
then some wierd joke fight breaks out
the surgeosn have MEGA wter guns, but they dont look like water guns
wtf
youre such a weirdo
im scared and jsut kinda hide behind the door
and then its just me and george and the 2 surgeons left with their water guns
and im like FOR FUCKS SUCK IM SOAKED FUCK OFF I HAVE TO GET A PLANE IN A FEW HOURS
and she takes off her surgeon mask and it turns out shes a girl
and shes like WELL ME TOO FUCK YOU
then all i remmeber now is seeing the wierd surgeon girls on tv befor ei left

kitty :(

pos won't stop sneezing and it's making me laugh/sad :(
poor kitty
he fell off the tv

7/1

ok so my kitten is going wild and is making more noise running/jumping down the stairs then i would if i were 20 stone.
i am also very happy right now as my alarm went off on my phone and it turns out it was to remind me to watch sex and the city YESSSSS.
also jonathan is being THE BEST right now, i couldn't be happier with that.
aaaaand, i'm looking to take 19th of february off work and trekking down to london for a few days, i miss everyone down there and it sucks, i hate the fact its been over a year, it's almost disgusting, some of my favourite people are down there.
i had my graphics resit exam today, it was ok, but shit too, i can't be bothered, i'm still sorting out my prep now.
i just wanna draaaaaaaw but i can't bring myself to do it.

i felt like i had a load to say tonight but i have no idea what, i need to like update this with my phone or something because i am hopeles with memorising.
nevermind, i'm gonna watch sex and the city forever and listen to jawbreaker all night.

oh and the n-dubz cd i thought was a bit of a joke is growing on me.

i really wish i could motivate myself to do something with my life. i know i could do it, its jsut a case of will i ? like right now i want to draw and if i did i could probably come out with a few pages in my sketch book of something cool, but will i ? nope. fuck you !

im watching simposons

i hate it, but i guess its okish cause its a halloween special so it's almost good
oh and i have another blog that's even more boring then this one to try and help my obsessive list writing
this is my lists and cutouts/things that i keep to look for later, i musta started this folder in november time ?



i mean i guess the magazine cut outs and stuff is great for inspiration but theyre mixed in with so many lists its impossible.
many lists are of links that i mean to go back to, but as i refuse to do it by copying and pasting cause i like my handwritten notes then i usually get them wrong.
SO i will hopefully remember to try just do them on there, all the pictures i find for inspiration, all my lists, everything, i am a waste of paper, but i guess this is a waste of internet.
nevermind !


oh and
http://listsofdoom.blogspot.com/
i really have no imagination, as the link shows haha.

it's 5pm

still haven't done anything :(

ben gets all the good dreams

this morning i dreamt i was dead, i had collapsed earlier in the day at the graphics and then when i got home i just did it again
and i was thinking oh shit i cant be dead and somehow i realised myself that i hadn't got a heartbeat and thought even the paramedics didn't care cause it had been 10 minutes and they still weren't here (i'm impatient when i'm dying i guess) but i had the revelation that if i were dead then how was i thinking so then i started to look at the good side and i was thinking YES I'M GONNA BE FINE and its an excuse to not have this work done
then it was just a dream
not a good start to a morning. i woke up about 11 ish
and its half 2 and i have still done nothing.
fuck my life.
i'm even starting a new blog to save my internet art fag findings, probably only thinking about doing it to waste more time.
ugh.

sup

so it's a new year, i gave up and forgot about this last year.
but i am procrastinating more then ever right now so i've even resorted to this to put things off.
i have written my lovely big sticky note on my screen in big capitals to try and force me to do it, but i just can't, i prefer to write lists on what i have to do rather then doing it.

that's a horrific amount of work. i hate me.
2 days to go.
i get to play in a freezing cold, pitch black church on my own tomorrow, fun.
fuck my photography course, i chose a stupid thing to do

oh and a break down of the list.
the portfolio is SO necessary or everything else doesn't matter, that portfolio will hopefully be the thing to get my to leeds art college for my foundation year, cause it doesn't look lik emy grades will be doing that.
all the essays are around 3000 words long each.
the photos is what i'm getting on with in the church, it is a whole photography project we have had months to get on with i need to take the photos, sort out my research and critical studies, sort the photos, print/develop the photos, and mount it all, all i've done so far is make an amazing sketch book to put them in, making books is my favourite thing to do, so that is why the college course i want to do is book arts.
umm, animal magazine is the (at least) 3 weeks of prep we are supposed to have done for my graphics exam on wednesday. but i think the recommended time is like 8 weeks. i have 2 days, oh well.
the zoo is a years worth of project.
he IT stuff is just a pain in the arse.
and the other exams aren't a problem.

i'm pretty happy tho cause luke and becka were on tv the other day so me and ben were heart eyesing everywhere, didn't see enough of beckas boobies tho :(
i probably will end up watching celebrity big brother even though it's even worse then the regular one. nevermind, i have no life.

i guess i can save other deep ramblings for later cause this has already probably taken me half an hour and it doesn't really say a lot, and definitely doesn't say anything interesting.


i hate the fact that my macbook decides to tell me whenever i spell things wrong, which is forever, i have been forced to start using the backspace key again, i never bothered before and just carried on regardless, but this is annoying, if anyone knows how to turn it off, help.